Bali Musings Day 8-12 | Travel

The rest of my time in Bali blurred together as I packed, babysat, wandered around the island soaking up all the beauty, and spent any spare minute I could with friends. I know I’ll never forget these moments as I grow up. Going to church for the last time was filled with hugs and laughs as we all masked our disappointment. We even went out to lunch with Kat, Jax, and Lyssa. We realized that every time we went somewhere after church, it was with this original group, and every time we’re so tired we’re all delirious, acting crazy and talking nonsense. I remember looking at this group of friends feeling a sudden surge of hope in my chest. I went so long thinking I’ll never make friends to suddenly having three great ones.

All the way up till our last day, I had the time of my life. Even if there were times I broke down and gave into the feeling of hopelessness, realizing I’m leaving the place where my whole life consisted, yet again. I pushed that aside, though. I refuse to feel that way. This move will be good for my family and I, I repeated in my head. This is good. 

As days of bowling, bird parks, and escape rooms past, and the day of the move looms closer, we put the finishing touches on our house. I went outside to take a Polaroid photo of the home we lived in for the past two years, smiling at all the memories. I realized that I am more than satisfied with the time we spent here. Staring at my house, I looked back at the memories forever engraved in my head: the beach, friends, church and ministry, stepping out of my comfort zone, and feeling and being closer to God than I ever had before. And later, sitting on the plane towards Jakarta, I can finally start feeling excited for the new adventures waiting for me there.

___

Wow! The last post of the Bali Musings series. I hope you all enjoyed, I know I have! I hope you didn’t mind the ups and downs of my emotions over the week, this was literally my inner monologue during this time.

This was the place of many firsts for me, and I was so glad it was here. Living in Bali was never meant to be permanent, and so is living in Jakarta. I guess growing up in this certain lifestyle affected my way of feeling and allowing myself to feel accepted and that I belonged. Unfortunately for me, as I began to feel that way I only had a few months left, only I didn’t know it yet. I hope I can feel that way in Jakarta again. I hope I won’t allow myself to build walls around my heart so tall that it takes years to break them down again. I hope I let people in, even though I know I’ll leave again.

Bye for now, Bali.

love, jane. aka the unlost wanderer.

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Bali Musings Day 5 | Travel

Feeling much better this morning, I convinced myself to make the most of the day. It was a Sunday, so that meant church. I packed for an hour or so and eventually got ready to go to church, which starts at 10:30. After waiting for my sister to get ready, we headed off to church! We sang and danced and had the best time. My friends and I planned to go out to lunch after the service but we weren’t expecting a portion of the worship team to come as well. (Not that that was a bad thing, the more the merrier!) We ate noodles and coffee, played Jenga and cards, and overall laughed a ton.  As the lunch came to a close, a few of us planned to watch Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 the next day.

After going to the grocery store, we drove back home and started packing once again. My room is mostly empty, now. Times like these I wonder why I attached myself to this place when I knew I was leaving soon. However, knowing I made friends with people I knew I would talk to for the rest of my life quickly erased the dread. I recalled this verse I memorized during school, Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you, not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”  I have a hope. I have a future. God knows my plans and I will not let darkness overcome me again.

photo from YouVersion

love, jane. aka the unlost wanderer.

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Heaven is My Home.

Disclaimer: I know everyone is not like this, this is just my observation and my thoughts and opinions on this. Your opinion matters too, so please make sure to share them with me by commenting!

I realized today that this world is an awfully materialistic place. Everyone has to have the latest iPhone, the most expensive name brand clothes, and the best car. Once you have all that, you work harder to get an upgrade of said phone, clothes, and car. I’m not saying don’t shop, believe me, I love shopping (haha), but make sure you know that this world is not your home, you’re just passing through. Don’t get attached to your material things, for your true treasure is in heaven.

What will happen to your things when you leave earth? It’ll all just lay there until someone else deals with it. In fact, when I was younger, I used to think that God would let me bring one earthly thing to heaven but as I grew, I realized everything I need is with Him.

Heaven is our home, so when you feel like you just can’t live without that one item, remember that…

…this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.

Hebrews 13:14 (NKJV)

love, jane. aka the unlost wanderer

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God Will Make a Way

Have you ever heard that song?

God will make a way
Where there seems to be no way
He works in ways we cannot see
He will make a way for me…

Today I felt trapped. I felt like I was in a glass box and it was closing in on me and I had no way out. It felt like I had no future and all I can do was look out and see everyone else move forward except for me. It felt like I was going to pass out and that I was never going to wake up.

Just when the darkness was starting to take over, I heard this song in the back of my head. It gave me so much hope and a renewal of faith. Just when I began to give up, it made me remember that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

Thus says the Lord, who makes a way in the sea
And a path through the mighty waters,
Who brings forth the chariot and horse,
The army and the power
(They shall lie down together, they shall not rise;
They are extinguished, they are quenched like a wick):
 “Do not remember the former things,
Nor consider the things of old.
 Behold, I will do a new thing,
Now it shall spring forth;
Shall you not know it?
I will even make a road in the wilderness
And rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43:16-19

love, jane. aka the unlost wanderer.

ps- Listen to God Will Make a Way here!

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Let Go and Let God.

Have you ever heard that term? Let go and let God? I have. A ton. And I’m starting to think that that is easier said than done. You see, I grew up in a Christian family, I went to church pretty much every Sunday (except for the period of time when we were in-between churches,) and I’m active in both my church and youth group. I’ve listened to the bible stories in Sunday School, I’ve paid attention to the sermons, and I’ve sung the songs, but it always seemed like something was holding me back. I don’t have a super inspiring testimony, which is okay, don’t get me wrong, but there is always that one question in the back of my mind that never goes away: why do I feel like there’s a void between me and God?

I was talking to my friend the other day and he said to me: “I haven’t really given up everything for God.. I want to glorify His name and do everything according to His purpose. If God’s path is adventurous and challenging against the world, I’ll go for it.” 

That got me thinking. I was holding me back. I haven’t given all of myself to God. I realized that I was scared of giving up control of my life, which is silly, because how can you control life? This isn’t a healthy way to live. Being a “control freak” isn’t going to help anything, so why not just go with the flow?

So starting right here, right now, I’m giving up 100% of me. Starting now, my priorities are going to change. No more of school first or family first. I’m putting God first, and it’s going to change everything.  Right now, I’m letting go and letting God.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

love, jane. aka the unlost wanderer.

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