Confession: It’s My Fault.

I don’t really know what compelled me to write this. I guess I was too fed up in my state of self-pity and loathing that I finally gave in. I stayed away from rants on this blog but I felt like if I didn’t really open up soon then this whole thing wouldn’t feel real. I don’t really know if that makes sense but whatever.

I suppose it all started when I was young and I had to leave my home to go somewhere cold and unforgiving to my childish mental state at the time. (Vague and cryptic, I know, but I don’t think I can bear explaining right now.) The people I’ve known all my life didn’t bat a single eyelash and that confused me. Why didn’t they care? Why are they acting like this? Didn’t I matter? I was angry and confused at the world and at everyone. I locked up my heart in a cold iron box and it hasn’t been opened ever since. I pushed away everyone who came close because I’d rather be alone and lonely instead of drown in my insecurities and get hurt in the end. But what did it matter, I was drowning anyways.

Then I opened up and I was happy but my family always comes first so I pushed that away too. And now I’m back to being a shell of myself, alone, scared, and mad at the world. Mad at myself, for being a coward, mad at my family for taking my happiness away, and mad at my circumstances, even though everyone knows being mad at their circumstances only makes things worse.

Confession: it’s my fault and I’m sorry. I’m sorry to everyone I pushed away because I was scared of getting hurt or any other reason. I’m tired of being alone but I can’t go back.

Confession: I’m tired and heartbroken and lonely and that’s my fault. I’m sorry.

love, jane. aka the sort of lost wanderer.

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May Favorites!

*Featured image taken in the Marina Bay Sands ‘Future Now’ Exhibition, Singapore

I know it’s already mid-June, but I figured it wouldn’t be too late for a May favorites post. I actually really enjoy these types of posts/videos, and it’ll be my first “Favorites” post on this blog! I hope you enjoy!

First off, I’m going to start with Beauty.

Last month, my sisters and I stayed with our grandparents for a couple of weeks. Unlike my family, my grandparents live an extravagant life. I figured that while we were there I might as well use a little more makeup to “fit in”.  There are only a few things in this category, since I only really used these things for two weeks.

bareMinerals ORIGINAL Foundation, Mineral Veil, and Concealer.

I actually really loved using this foundation. I’ve only ever used liquid foundation before, so this powder foundation was a breath of fresh air. It was so light on my skin, and it honestly felt like I wasn’t wearing three layers of makeup at all.

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I got these last year when my mom told me to get a job. I look like I’m twelve as opposed to seventeen, so I had to cheat a little in order to look older.

I used the shade medium beige for foundation, the Original Mineral Veil, and the Well-Rested Concealer.

Urban Decay Travel-Size Eyeshadow Primer Potion. This stuff is magic. Seriously.

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Bobbi Brown Long-Wear Gel Eyeliner Duo in Black Ink and Sepia Ink. I was gifted these amazing jars of wonder last year and I’ve been wearing them ever since. Especially during the last month. This eyeliner is extremely smooth, pigmented, and is super easy to apply.

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ChapStick Total Hydration (Soothing Oasis). This little bottle of lip balm was a lifesaver. I bought one of these last year during the winter in America, (my Indonesian weather loving body never gets used the the winter, my lips become chapped, hair frizzy, and skin dry. Yuck.) I already used up a bottle and had asked my parents to bring me back another. Give this a try; it’ll work wonders.

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Tech.

I’m not a tech-savvy person. It’s a wonder why I started this blog, honestly. Anyways, the first thing in the category is…

Phone rings! I know, I know, I gave into the trend but these are so great. They’re super convenient, and they’re cute. Although, I may have to get another one because mine is falling apart. Curse you, ring-spinning habit.

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please excuse my paint-stained desk!

OverDrive. This app/website is amazing. You connect your app to your library card(s) and you’ll be able to access your local library’s eBooks and audiobooks! And the best part, it’s completely free.

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Computer Sticky Notes. I have no idea why I didn’t take advantage of these before, but here they are, all over my desktop.

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Also, I have no idea if YouTube is a part of Tech or not, but what the heck, I’ll add it anyways.

Liza Koshy and David Dobrik. These two people are the funniest people ever. Watching their videos make my day; I can never not have a smile on my face when I watch their videos.

Music.

Bethel Music. I’m not a huge music lover, but this month, I’ve been obsessed with Bethel Music. Their lyrics are so well-written, and I can’t help but stop whatever I’m doing at the moment to just sing my heart out when their music comes on.

Tori Kelly. I’ve always been a fan of Tori Kelly’s music, but when I heard her singing worship music from a few years ago, I loved her even more. You could hear the humility and the love she has for Christ in her voice.

Books.

Throne of Glass and A Court of Thorns and Roses, by Sarah J Maas. I love both of these books soooo much. Head on over to both my reviews to read on instead of just watching me ramble on and on, haha.

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my Throne of Glass review // my A Court of Thorns and Roses review

Well, that’s all I’ve got for my My Favorites post, I hope you enjoyed! If you have used/read/watched/listened/etc to anything listed here let me know, I’d love to read your opinions as well!

love, jane. aka the unlost wanderer.

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Seventeen. | Jane’s Rambles

Tonight is the last night of sixteen. For me at least. I haven’t really realized this until my two sisters pointed this out. This year has gone by so fast, between managing a kiosk in a mall, moving between islands, taking my first painting classes, starting this blog, having a boy saying he loved me, (which is a story for another time,) and so many other things, I feel like time has gone way too fast. I always thought that my birthday wasn’t a big deal, because I hate the attention that goes along with birthdays, but then my sister Faith said, “this is your last night being sixteen, next year, you’ll be eighteen and you’ll be an adult.”

Woah.

“I am so not ready to be an adult,” I thought as a rush of anxiety went through my heart. “I need to get my life together, this means,” my mind went on, “I need to get my act straight and I gotta work harder.”

I probably don’t need to get my life together at age seventeen, but I think I do need to work harder.

My sister eventually went to say, “Nothing will change, anyways, only your age”. This did make me feel a little better.

Anyways, as I write this post, a passage of Scripture went through my head, And if our God is for us, then who can stand against us? – Romans 8:31

If our God is for us, then no one can stand against us. Not even ourselves. Tonight, as it’s my last night being sixteen, I’m making a personal promise to myself: I won’t let anything stand in the way of my passions and my faith. Not me, not you, not my own insecurities or anxieties. This year, I will live to my full potential. I will do everything I can, the best that I can. Everything I do will be done in a way that God would be proud.

This year. This new year, it’ll just be me and God.

love, jane.aka the unlost wanderer.

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A Court of Thorns and Roses Series|Book Nook Review (Contains Spoilers)

A Court of Thorns and Roses | A Court of Mist and Fury | A Court of Wings and Ruin

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THIS SERIES. THIS SERIES HAS HONESTLY RUINED ME. OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS.

*takes a deep breath* Okay. *takes another deep breath*

Okay, I’m good. I can now talk about this book series without freaking out. Maybe.

Anyways, there are three books to the series so far, and you can click the links above to read the synopsis for each book. A Court of Wings and Ruin is my favorite book by far. You spend the first two books getting to know the characters, their  back stories, their characters and just getting attached to them in general. The first book is kinda like starting a new weird habit, by the second you’re addicted, and by the third, you try to quit but you’re just too far gone.

Feyre is dragged into the world of faeries and magic when she unknowingly kills a faerie who belongs to the Spring Court. There are seven courts in Prythian, the kingdom who holds all seven courts: Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter, Day, Dawn, and Night.

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Here’s where the spoilers come, so if you don’t want those, stop reading this and read the books!!


 

Okay, in the first book, Feyre, (read Fay-ruh), is ripped away from her family, who she has been taking care of for the past five years, (never mind that she’s the youngest of all of them,) and is shipped off to the Spring Court in Prythian. Tamlin, the High Lord of the Spring Court is happy to have her, even though he does have some weird moments. I wasn’t really shocked when he became known as Tamlin the Tool in the AOTAR fandom. Nevertheless, Feyre falls in love with Tamlin and in turn, saves the entire Spring Court. Getting the Beauty and the Beast vibes, yet? Just wait. The plot twist, although many can see it coming, shocked me so much anyways in the following book. I admit I have a soft spot for Lucien, Tamlin’s right hand man. Although he was rude to Feyre in the beginning, he sort of comes through during the months Feyre was Under the Mountain. Which leads me to my next point.

Rhysand.

Oh, Rhys. High Lord of the Night Court and ultimate swoon-worthy material. Even if he was a jerk in ACOTAR. I knew from the moment Feyre laid eyes on him that he was the one she’d end up with. Screw Tamlin and his fancy flowers. Rhysand, though he acts rude and tough on the outside, hides a soft spot for the people of his court and his inner circle: Cassian, Azriel, Morrigan, and Amren. I loved these characters. I love how they all work together so well, and that with Rhys, they are all treated with a sense of equality. We get to know them a lot more in the second and third book. Mor and Amren are a couple of my favorite characters because we get to see strong female characters. They’re Rhysand’s second and third and I love that. Both are a force to be reckoned with and are willing to fight with everything they are for their court and the people they love. I absolutely loved the dynamic Cassian, Azriel and Rhys have. Thier brotherhood is something that needs to be protected. If anything else happens to Cassian and Azriel, I have no idea what I’d do.

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Feyre and Rhysand

Amarantha. Ugh. I’m not going to even start about Amarantha. Just know that she is not very nice. To say it lightly. Jurien. I still have mixed feelings about Jurien, so I won’t start about him too.

Elain and Nesta. Aka Feyre’s sisters. I have a soft spot for these two as well, probably because they remind me of my own sisters. Minus Nesta’s personality, though I do admire the fire she possesses. Elain has this purity and innocence about her that just has to be protected.

Feyre, herself. Feyre, so brave and good. Her compassion sets her apart from the other characters in the books. She has dealt with so much, and overcame so much. She was willing to fight for the Spring Court, the Night Court and all of Prythian even though she was cast into this magical world so very recently.

The plot and subplots are so intricately intertwined that I had trouble keeping up with everything because I got too excited. And oh, my goodness. A Court of Wings and Ruin had me so caught up that I found myself squealing and gasping and banging my head on the wall. I think my family was worried. Chapter 71, page 632 to be exact, was so mindblowing that  I had to put the book down, walk out of the room and bury my head in my pillow.

Needless to say, this series is the best book series I’ve read in a while. I have to admit, there are some more *cough* intimate *cough* moments between Feyre and some male characters, but I found that those moments are mostly toward the ends of the chapters so if you skip to the beginning of the next chapter, you wouldn’t miss anything.

Give this series a read. It’s totally worth it. And if you have read it, what do you think about this series?

love, jane. aka the unlost wanderer.

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Throne Of Glass by Sarah J Maas | Book Nook Review

Copy of Copy of michael_lim.png

GoodReads Synopsis: After serving out a year of hard labor in the salt mines of Endovier for her crimes, 18-year-old assassin Celaena Sardothien is dragged before the Crown Prince. Prince Dorian offers her her freedom on one condition: she must act as his champion in a competition to find a new royal assassin.

Her opponents are men-thieves and assassins and warriors from across the empire, each sponsored by a member of the king’s council. If she beats her opponents in a series of eliminations, she’ll serve the kingdom for four years and then be granted her freedom. Celaena finds her training sessions with the captain of the guard, Westfall, challenging and exhilarating. But she’s bored stiff by court life. Things get a little more interesting when the prince starts to show interest in her … but it’s the gruff Captain Westfall who seems to understand her best.

Then one of the other contestants turns up dead … quickly followed by another. Can Celaena figure out who the killer is before she becomes a victim? As the young assassin investigates, her search leads her to discover a greater destiny than she could possibly have imagined.

Title: Throne of Glass

Author: Sarah J Maas

Genre: Fantasy, YA, Romance

Length: 407 Pages

Format: Kindle EBook

Throne of Glass has been on my TBR list for a while now, and after reading a sample on Kindle, I finally gave in and bought it.

AND I’M SO GLAD I DID. OH, MY GOODNESS.

If you like books with mystery and adventure, then this is the book for you. This book had me hooked from the beginning and I don’t think I properly talked to my family for the two days I binge-read this book and other works from Sarah J Maas.

I loved how Sarah J Maas intricately laid plot twists throughout the book, and everything was extremely well thought out.

Thoughts on Characters:

Celaena was a character I admired from the beginning with her stubbornness, wit, her will to fight for what she wants and her perseverance. She was dealt with so much in her short life, things no person ever should, yet she kept going and never gave up even when I thought she would.

Chaol and Dorian have a special relationship that I wish I had. Chaol will protect Dorian with all that he is and Dorian would do the same, and despite their differences, they always work it out in the end. I know people ship Celaena with Chaol or Celaena with Dorian but I’m holding back on those because I know who she ends up with. (Thanks, internet for the spoilers… Note the sarcasm…)

I had my reservations about Nehemia, but she came through in the end and had some special moments with Celaena that even I teared up at.

And Fleetfoot! Oh, Fleetfoot, so pure and innocent in this weirdly unpredictable world. I read that she was the only character guaranteed to live so that’s a plus.

Conclusion:

I would rate this book a solid 4.5 stars out of 5 and I’m super excited to read the other books in the series. I already bought the other four books in the series so get ready for some other reviews, ha-ha.

Sarah J Maas is definitely one of my new favorite authors. I’m in total awe of her work and how she can create such magnificent worlds. Definitely check her work out, I’ve read the A Court of Thorn and Roses Series and am absolutely obsessed.

That’s all for this review, I hope you enjoyed and if you’ve read the book, let me know what you thought of it! Who do you ship the characters with, and what’s your favorite part of the book?

love, jane. aka the unlost wanderer.

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Is This Love?? | Jane’s Rambles

Hey, everyone, happy Sunday! I hope you are having a relaxing time with your friends and family. I’ve decided not to keep up with the quotes of the weeks on my blog, but I regularly post quotes on my Instagram, so be sure to follow me there!

Anyways, my parents are in America for the next ten days, and we’re staying at our grandparents’ house until they get back. My parents have never really gotten along with their respective parents. I don’t even know my grandparents on my dad’s side. My mom’s relationship with her parents has been rocky up until a few months ago. We used to live with them and they still didn’t get along. In fact, the drama was probably worse. Which, actually makes sense since we’re all stuck under the same roof.

My grandparents have taken a lot from us. We moved to Indonesia because of them, and there has been so much heartache for all of us in the past six years. Despite them taking a lot, they give a lot too. Material things, though. With material things, they don’t hesitate to give. I admire that from them. I want to give as much as I can, including emotionally giving, instead of taking. If that makes sense.

I’m happy for this time we have with them, even though I do miss my parents. (We’ve been apart from our dad for months at a time but never both of our parents at once.) My sisters and I agreed to make the most of the time we have here and also subtly hinting at how amazing our parents raised us since they were so quick to judge before. We have spent more time with my grandmother and grandfather, (who we call Ama and Akong, which I’m pretty sure is Chinese,) than we have in years. I never thought they loved us. And I never thought I loved them after everything that has happened. But last night, after I took a shower, my grandmother actually dried my hair. This was a huge deal to me because we barely even hug when seeing each other. There was an odd feeling in my chest, as she tenderly touched my hair. And I almost dared to think that that feeling was love. 

I’ve hoped before, and most of the time that hope led to heartache and hurt. I’ve never let that stop me from hoping before, and I won’t let that stop me now. And if I can hope, I know you can too.

love, jane. aka the unlost wanderer.

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I’m Back! | Jane Rambles

Hey, everyone! I haven’t really been around last month, which is something I really regret. April was a hectic month for my family and I, which is no excuse. Between an impromptu trip to Jakarta which lasted three weeks, deciding to move back to Jakarta, moving back to Jakarta and spending time with friends in Bali while we could left little time to write. I have however, began writing like, six posts that I never finished, so stay tuned for those!

I also wanted to welcome those who joined my journey while I was gone, and those who commented on my posts. These comments honestly made my day.

love, jane. aka the unlost wanderer.

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