Invisible?

*Cues inner monologue* What the heck, blog intros are so hard to write. I literally have no idea how to start. Oh, I know, I should just type out my confusion in hopes that some other blogger will take pity and say they relate. #self-deprecation *waves #self-deprecation flag* Woohoo.

Wow, excellent intro, Jane, you really know how to write.

Oh, thanks, Jane, you rock.

No, you rock.

Aaaaand I’m talking to myself. I’m officially going crazy. You know you need more friends when you start giving compliments to yourself. Which “casually” leads me to the topic of this post: socializing. *groans*

I’m not good at socializing. I’m terrible at memorizing names but that doesn’t mean I’d forget you. I may be a bad person, but I’m not that bad a person. But I learned over time that compliments are great conversation starters. For example,

“Wow, I love that shirt you’re wearing, where’d you get it?”

“Oh, thanks, I got it at…” *pretends I know what store they’re talking about*

“Oh no way, I love that store!”

Boom. Conversation locked and…loaded? As long as you know what to say after that which usually goes like,

“So what do you like to do for fun?”

“I love rock climbing, and I run track, I just love the feeling of the wind in my hair. It’s so great to be active and healthy, ya know?”

*flash back to me eating cake for breakfast*

“Oh yeah totally, I love running, and I played volleyball in school but haven’t gotten around to really committing to anything yet.” (Ha. As if.)

And there you have it folks, an on-going conversation with an actual human being. And we all know that conversations lead to more conversations which leads to *gasp* friendship?

But of course these conversations are imaginary and realistic conversations go like this:

“So, what do you like to do for fun?”

*Person looks up from their phone* “Nothing.”

“Oo-okay.”

Today my parents went to have dinner with their friends and my sisters and I tagged along because their kids were coming too. And believe it or not, us kids used to hang out a lot once upon a time, but the hellos went a little something like:

Dad #1: Hi Jane, how are you? *gives me a hug*

Me: Oh, I’m great, how are you?

Dad #1: That’s awesome, I’m doing great as well-oh hey Catherine (aka his kid,) come say hi to Jane!

Catherine: Who?

Dad #1: You know, Jane. The girl we visited in Bali literally four months ago? We went swimming and we went to her house in America.

Catherine: I don’t remember.

Dad #1: *groans and shakes his head* David, (aka his son,) come say hi to Jane.

David: Who’s that?

Me: *stands there awkwardly*

This lead to four hours of me and my sisters just sitting there awkwardly because everyone was either on their phones or talking to someone else, (there were two other families there). Those families were obviously closer to each other since my own family moved around too much to make real connections, but I couldn’t help but feel invisible. They laughed and joked around amongst themselves never really glancing at myself or at my sisters. Any attempt I made to start a conversation went unnoticed as they showed each other some funny thing on their phone. And I understand. I get it. It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other and you don’t know what to say, but seriously dude, grow up.

Me: Hey Catherine, are you still drawing?

Catherine: How do you know I draw?

Me: Because when you visited Bali we all had dinner. I sat next to you and you were telling me all about how great you were at it.

Catherine: Oh. I don’t remember.

Ugh what a blow to the ego. I know I’m not memorable, but c’mon dude, it wasn’t even that long ago.

You know how there’s always that one person who’s always there but no one really remembers they are? Like, Oh hey, there was this one time where *proceeds to tell the story* and then the person they’re talking to goes, Yeah, I was there. That was me.

I’m that person.

Like I said before, I don’t really mind not being remembered, but it does hurt after a while. When we left dinner, my parents were telling us how the other parents were raving about how well-behaved my sisters and I were, in contrast to their own naughty, bratty kids. (Their words, not mine.) And they were disappointed in how their kids didn’t make an effort to talk to us blah blah blah.

I left dinner today with a new mission in my head- to make everyone feel welcome and wanted, because that’s what we all want in the end, isn’t it? I don’t want anyone feeling invisible when I’m around them, I want to make them feel loved and happy. Because no one’s truly invisible, so they shouldn’t feel that way.

love, jane. aka the unlost wanderer.

the unlost book nook

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7 thoughts on “Invisible?

  1. Such a relatable post, loved it! I’ve had experience being pretty invisible as well, I’m very quiet and there’s nothing special about me really. So there was one time I was in science class at school, and I was in such a horrible mood, I was in a ‘I really need a big cry’ mood, to explain it well! I just needed to escape and be on my own…so I did. I literally put my stuff away in my bag, grabbed it and walked out of the classroom. And bare in mind I was sitting in the table furthest away from the door, I had to walk across the class, past the TEACHER who was standing by the door, to leave the room. Yet I managed to leave without anyone noticing or caring. It was a good thing I guess, but at the same time it’s not. Am I really that unnoticeable? It’s like you said, it does hurt after a while.
    Sorry, just had to share my experience with you, and for a bit carried away! I totally understand you and relate to this post, great one🙂xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my goodness, that’s awful and amazing at the same time. I feel like the right people will know and cherish you. Those who don’t aren’t worth your time. You’re not “invisible” those people obviously need to get their eyes checked 😋

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I relate to this on so many levels…😂 – I came across your blog by accident but just wanted to say that you’re such a good storyteller – I can really empathise – I love this post! Looking forward to checking out some of your other posts (sorry for the random comment…) x

    Liked by 1 person

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