It’s nice to say that nobody’s perfect to justify that I’m not and I could never be perfect, but here I am trying to be anyways. But it’s true. I’m not. And I can never be.
I’m not perfect.
I flake out because I’m scared to go out of my comfort zone.
I’m not reliable in all the ways that matter.
I’m the not social butterfly I wish so much I could be.
I’m not consistent.
I can’t make decisions in everyday life.
I think too much or I don’t think at all which leads to fricking stupid decisions that I wish I would take back. (For example: deleting my first two blogs and all that content I worked so hard on)
And I’m a runner. I run away at the first sign of me possibly getting hurt. Which is so dumb and selfish and cowardly I can’t live with myself. Because while running trust is broken and trust is so hard to rebuild when you feel sorry and you come running back. God, I wish I can take it all back.
But I can’t. What’s done is done. And I’m done playing the victim. I’ll live up to my actions and fix what I broke. Hopefully.
I’m not perfect and that’s okay. But that doesn’t mean I could sit on my bum all day and not do anything in my power to improve. I’ll be a better version of myself, I’ll make sure of it.
love, jane. the unlost wanderer.