Is This Love?? | Jane’s Rambles

Hey, everyone, happy Sunday! I hope you are having a relaxing time with your friends and family. I’ve decided not to keep up with the quotes of the weeks on my blog, but I regularly post quotes on my Instagram, so be sure to follow me there!

Anyways, my parents are in America for the next ten days, and we’re staying at our grandparents’ house until they get back. My parents have never really gotten along with their respective parents. I don’t even know my grandparents on my dad’s side. My mom’s relationship with her parents has been rocky up until a few months ago. We used to live with them and they still didn’t get along. In fact, the drama was probably worse. Which, actually makes sense since we’re all stuck under the same roof.

My grandparents have taken a lot from us. We moved to Indonesia because of them, and there has been so much heartache for all of us in the past six years. Despite them taking a lot, they give a lot too. Material things, though. With material things, they don’t hesitate to give. I admire that from them. I want to give as much as I can, including emotionally giving, instead of taking. If that makes sense.

I’m happy for this time we have with them, even though I do miss my parents. (We’ve been apart from our dad for months at a time but never both of our parents at once.) My sisters and I agreed to make the most of the time we have here and also subtly hinting at how amazing our parents raised us since they were so quick to judge before. We have spent more time with my grandmother and grandfather, (who we call Ama and Akong, which I’m pretty sure is Chinese,) than we have in years. I never thought they loved us. And I never thought I loved them after everything that has happened. But last night, after I took a shower, my grandmother actually dried my hair. This was a huge deal to me because we barely even hug when seeing each other. There was an odd feeling in my chest, as she tenderly touched my hair. And I almost dared to think that that feeling was love. 

I’ve hoped before, and most of the time that hope led to heartache and hurt. I’ve never let that stop me from hoping before, and I won’t let that stop me now. And if I can hope, I know you can too.

love, jane. aka the unlost wanderer.

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